Sometimes you just get stuck in a conversation with someone that you’d rather not be talking to. So what are you supposed to do beyond come up with a conversation topic that will (hopefully) make them regret talking to you in the first place? Here’s some suggestions of topics that you can go with.

• This one works best if you’re a girl (but I suppose you could use it as well if you’re a guy): bring up your period. Bring up the cramps, hand washing clothes, having to wash sheets, bring up the fact that you’re out of ibuprofen. Just bring up something about it. Probably works best if you’re talking to a guy who is not a family doctor or a gynecologist.
• Talk about Jack the Ripper. Seriously. Or any other historical serial killer.
• Talk about any health issue. Any health issue at work should work, you don’t actually have to have it, but just make it sound like you do. Serious bonus points if you start describing something that resembles the Black Plague.
• To go along with talking about health issues, talk about your bowel movements. And then excuse yourself to go to the washroom.
• Talk about wanting to star in some B-rated softcore porn flick (works better if you’re at least 18).
• Wave to someone else, even if you don’t know them, and excuse yourself because you really need to talk to the guy because he looks about the same as the guy you met the other night but failed to get his number the next morning (try not to do this in a professional setting… just a thought).
• Figure out what really bores them (like for me, it’d be cars and details about cars) and start talking about it. And ask them their opinions on things (like engines, different car part brands).
• Inform them that their clothing was made by little kids who are paid around five cents a day with no breaks or meals and then tell them that you refuse to speak to people who support companies that show no respect for other human beings.
• Bring up a movie that you know that they haven’t seen, but want to, and start spoiling it. In great detail. (Note, this is also incredibly mean. So bonus points if you do it.)
• Spoil the ending of a book that they’re reading. Tell them who dies, or who does what, or exactly how it ends. Bonus points if it’s a complete lie but they’re gullible and believe you anyways.