stress – Imaginary Sunshine

Studying… still.

Michelle — Mon, 01 Jun 2015 20:24:56 +0000

It’s been a few weeks since I last stepped foot in a hospital. And it really kind of sucks. I miss being in the hospital. I miss patient interactions. I even miss being a little bit stressed because “ohmigosh, everyone has 8am meds!”.

I’ve been studying a lot for the NCLEX lately. I decided to do the review produced by the NCSBN[1. National Council of State Boards of Nursing] because it was significantly cheaper than all of the other online review programs. I like the idea of self-study because sitting in the classroom having someone talk at me just does not sound like a good time. So far it’s been going well. I study Mondays to Fridays for 6 to 9 hours a day, depending on which lesson I’m on (I’m following a suggested study schedule, which is outlined by the lessons).

Studying is possibly one of my least favourite things in the world to do, but I find giving myself the weekends off really helps! It gives me time to relax, to regroup, and to just not think for a couple of days about the NCLEX. I know some of my classmates that are studying every single day and I think my brain would just be all “Pfft, eff you, I’m going to play Blank Space for you on repeat for the next hour'” or just give up altogether.

The thing is, I learned a lot over 3 years. And having to review all of that stuff is a lot to digest. So, daily studying, plenty of breaks, and weekends off does the trick for me. I know that a lot of people on allnurses.com are probably rolling their eyes at me because I should be studying 12 hours a day for 7 days a week or something equally horrendous. My brain likes breaks! And sometimes it’s nice to just relax and watch an episode of something on Netflix and not think.

Speaking of weekends to regroup – I did just that. I roasted marshmallows in a backyard fire pit, got harassed by a Boston terrier, and slipped down a flight of stairs. Oh, and that was just Friday night. For Saturday, I hit my head against the wall trying to sit up. Cue laughter from the boyfriend because he just thought I was hilarious (he witnessed me slipping on the stairs too).

Hopefully next weekend will be a bit tamer – I’m going out for an afternoon tea on Saturday!

NCLEX stress

Michelle — Tue, 21 Apr 2015 18:30:12 +0000

Since last summer, I’ve owned NCLEX study materials. I bought a few books off of Amazon and then they sat on my shelf for the better part of the summer. And then all through term 5. And, if I’m being honest, they moved with me for my first term 6 practicum and sat on a shelf looking pretty. Now they’re laid out in front of me and I’ve flagged many, many pages as I go through the review process, it’s a bit daunting to think that I’ve learned this much over the course of 3 years.

Many of my classmates have opted to sign up for NCLEX review courses that typically go for 3-5 days. But these review courses are often $400-500USD, which with the current exchange rate makes them incredibly more expensive (hello, poor Canadian dollar!) and that just makes signing up for one of these courses completely unattainable for me, at this time. While I’d love to be able to spend over $600CDN on an intensive review courses, there is the matter of a cash flow issue for me at this time. As in, I just don’t have it. Luckily, many others have passed the NCLEX without attending fancy review courses, and I will be making out a study schedule for myself when the term is over. I don’t want to wait too long after I’m done the program to write it, in fear of all that knowledge just falling out. It’s been a (little) while since I’ve done mental health, or maternity and pediatrics, that I really need to get my mind wrapped around that knowledge again (especially the medications, oy the medications!).

You’ll just have to excuse me as I go mostly silent on the internet again as I get to worrying and stressing over the NCLEX!

School is out for the summer!

Michelle — Fri, 01 Aug 2014 19:18:02 +0000

For 16 days at least, as I start up again on August 18th. No rest for the wicked!

I had my last summer course final today. Not entirely sure how I did, and frankly at this point (going straight from January until today), I don’t care as much as I probably should. That said, I know I got an A on the multiple choice portion (was done on the computer and there is the instant gratification of getting a mark straightaway) so it is just the written portion left to be marked (maybe by next week?).

What was my first act of summer fun? Ate ice cream for lunch. And last weekend, I got my hair cut (finally…):

Another completed term

Michelle — Sat, 10 May 2014 04:19:38 +0000

I wrote my last final of my fourth term of nursing school yesterday. It’s an amazing feeling to be another term closer to the goal – graduation, becoming licensed, becoming a registered nurse. It has been an incredibly difficult fourth term. The learning curve is steeper, the depth of knowledge I’ve needed to have is a lot more than ever before. Expectations on me have risen while my own standards for myself have gone up at a stellar rate. But I got through it,through a lot of hard work and possibly more than a few sleepless nights. When I was going over my final clinical evaluation with my instructor, she told me the following “You study too much, Michelle. You work too hard.” Because nursing school, despite what it seems to do, shouldn’t be the be all and end all of my social life. Even though it is, although I did manage to make some time for friends and the boyfriend throughout the term. I don’t want to be someone who barely scraps through nursing school, and I don’t think anyone would want a nurse who did that. So I hold myself at high standards that even my fellow over-achiever classmates think are impossibly high standards.

My spring/summer classes are forthcoming. One actually started the first week of April (my school doesn’t understand what the phrase “summer” class means) while the other two will be starting on Monday, the 12th. In the meantime, I’ve been taking my instructor’s advice and just taking a break, even if it is just for a little bit.

Life, in general, has been pretty good to me. I’m confident that I’ve been able to pass all of my classes, I working on my specialty nursing certificate right now (the class I started in April goes towards that), I finally read something for fun for the first time in what seems to be ages… and I’m in a good place right now. I’ve been knitting a lot, but being absolutely horrible ta keeping my crafts blog updated. I’ve been blogging a lot, but just not there, and I’ve just been keeping busy. The chronicles of Michelle took a backseat this term because, in all honesty, the journal of me just didn’t seem to be important over things like studying, or patient research, or attempting to get to bed by 9am before a clinical day (when I woke up at 4:30am).

My plans for the summer will of course include working on my three online classes. I’m also hoping to start volunteering again, do a lot of crafting, be a little bit more active with the blogging, and, of course, spend time with friends and family. I find as I get older, it’s harder to do that. Friends move away, they start working full time or part time with odd hours, they’re still in school. And then there’s me, who doesn’t feel like hanging out at night when I’d been up since 4:30am. Is this how my life is going to look when I graduate and I’m working shift work for real? Probably. But the thing is… I love nursing. I found out this term that I really enjoy complex wound care. That’s probably a rather disturbingly morbid thing to day, but I love wound irrigation and packing wounds. Possibly the most fun thing I did throughout the entire term. I will leave you with that thought… because I can.

I need a blanket fort

Michelle — Sun, 29 Dec 2013 08:07:32 +0000

Sometimes it makes me sad that I don’t blog more. Blogging used to be my passion and I’d come up with a new theme nearly every month. Pretty sure that this one has been up for forever by now… And yet, I really cannot bring myself to care that I haven’t changed from the pixel girl with the heart-shaped balloon. It’s a bit fitting, since I had modeled the image after my favicon image that I had made much earlier than this theme. But blogging as a whole? I didn’t realize that I had pretty much dropped off the face of the planet in terms of the internet. Or maybe I had, and just didn’t notice?

I, for one, had an alright Christmas. The thing about Christmas is that it is a very family-oriented holiday. The unfortunate thing about Christmas is that it is a very family-oriented holiday. Some gems that I’ve been asked this holiday season by relatives (immediate and extended) include:

Why aren’t you done school yet?

Why didn’t you go to medical school?

How much weight have you gained? (Which was followed by: How much do you weigh now?)

The answers: because I’m not, because I don’t want to become a doctor (medical or otherwise), none of your business, see previous answer.

Oh family. What would I do without them? (Answer: Probably be a lot more sane, and non-existent.)

I’m already looking forward to going back to school – primarily so I won’t need to spend so much time with the members of my family that are driving me crazy with their repetitive questions. That and I want to learn ALL THE THINGS! I’ve been doing a bit of winter break reading and just finished the Hyperbole and a Half book by Allie Brosh. It has delightfully thick pages and full-colour illustrations. What else would a girl want in a book full of fun stories? I still have a few more books in my pile to read. Now that my familial holiday obligations have been met and there are no more family gatherings in the near future (as far as I know, anyways), I’m happy to really get to enjoy my time off and spend time with the people that I choose to spend time with. (A.k.a. not the crazy relatives, or the select individuals that I live with who are driving me crazy.)

Reasons Not to Move to Hong Kong

Michelle — Wed, 03 Jul 2013 03:42:59 +0000

I haven’t blogged in a while, but I swear I have a good reason for it! Since I last blogged, I was busy with:

Packing for a four week trip overseas
Spending a week in China
Spending three weeks in Hong Kong
Spending a week as a ‘vacation from my vacation’ at home doing absolutely nothing (mostly sleeping)
And working on my online courses (mandatory for the nursing program I’m in)

Online classes are very different at this school than my last one. I only had one online course at my old school (Human Sexuality – still one of the most interesting classes I’ve ever taken!). These ones are more structured in a way that requires more deadlines. The other one only had deadlines for the midterm and final (all online). These ones, if they have finals, are on campus. But the midterms were online, so it was alright (I guess…).

Hong Kong was great in the sense that I got to see relatives and meet them for the first time (I do not count the time when I was under the age of two). But on the other hand, visiting Hong Kong reinforced the decision that I had made to never move there permanently. Ever. I couldn’t handle it, for so many reasons. The weather is awful – the day I arrived was mid-30s (Celsius!) and 85% humidity. It’s like having someone slap you in the face with a hot wet towel when you leave the airport. It was difficult to breathe properly at first because it was so much like being in a sauna and I didn’t like that at all. A lot of indoor places have air conditioning, which I took advantage of and it made things barely. July and August are supposed to be even hotter (!) with the same level of humidity or higher. I’ll stick to my milder weather at home, thank you.

Nurses in Hong Kong are greatly under-appreciated. They are expected to have higher education (post-secondary), but they make a third of what I would make in Canada in an equivalent currency for entry level (here). My aunt has friends who work as nurses and and they make ~$12,000-15,000HKD/month – which is less than or around $2000CDN. They also have no over-time. They are expected to work over-time and are not monetarily compensated for their work. Also, I visited an elderly aunt in a convalescence home (recovering from a stroke) and the nurses there were very old-fashioned looking dress uniforms. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, think about the Halloween “nurse” costumes that you seen (white dress, buttoned down the front, with pockets, etc.). It’s like that, only the dress isn’t low cut and it ends at below the knees. I didn’t go to a hospital in Hong Kong, so I’m unsure if nurses there wear similar uniforms, but it’s a possibility. I like my scrub pants and tops just fine, thank you.

Lastly – body image. They have a very specific body image that they like in Hong Kong and clearly I do not fit it. I was told (multiple times, by various people who are related to me) that I’m very pretty girl (thanks!) but I’m too fat (oh…). Yes, the size of my body was brought up. Many, many, many times. I was beginning to understand where my parents got the idea that I’m fat from[1. Yes, my parents have told me in the past that I’m fat or overweight, ever since I was a preteen.]. Keep in mind that I am 5’1″ and weigh around 110-115lbs (last I checked). And this is considered to be fat. I tried on tops and I was still a “small” there, but my legs were (apparently) an issue. I’m not short compared to the average height of women there, but my width was an issue for my relatives. They’d tsk their tongues and mention how I’d just look so much better if I dropped maybe 10-15lbs…

Additionally, I was inappropriately spoken to (and grabbed!) on public transit while I was in Hong Kong. Because apparently if you wear short shorts (by Hong Kong standards, lets not discuss how prudish their clothing is) it is an open invitation for skeevy grown men to grab your ass on public transit. And they tell you that it’s okay because you’re asking for it.

I’ll be posting more about the fun and adventure of traveling ~ and with more pictures!

My life, currently

Michelle — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 02:34:36 +0000

School, school and more school.

Finals are coming up soon. I have 2 more days of clinical left, 1 week of classes and then 1 week of finals! People in my class (class = everyone that started the program with me) are talking about going out to the pub after the last final (patho). It ends at 12:30pm – but it’s always happy hour somewhere in the world.

Protected: One step at a time

Michelle — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 04:06:01 +0000

Protected: You called me up again just to break me like a promise

Michelle — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 02:57:55 +0000

All it takes is a little something…

Michelle — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 00:46:09 +0000

All it takes is a little something to make you question everything about what you thought you understood, knew and trusted.

For me, it was a phone call. And the week that occurred before the phone call.

Questioning everything, hiding away from social media. Because if I turn to social media now, I’m a bit afraid of what I might say, or do.