Top 10 Ways Not to Meet the Guy of Your Dreams
Strangely enough, each of these scenarios are either factual or just really bad nightmares. And hopefully you’ll get a kick out of some of them; I know that after a while, I begin to find them humourous as well.
- Falling into the guy’s lap while you’re standing on the train probably isn’t the best way to meet someone – especially when he ends up being completely charming and approachable and it turns out that he’s engaged.
- Flirting with the guy who just happens to walk into the computer lab, even if he starts flirting first, is not the best story to tell people – considering he’ll end up being in love with his best friend, but he’s just not quite aware of it it.
- That really cute guy that’s sitting at the table next to you in the library? If something of his just happens to roll over to you, just hand it back and avoid him. Seriously, do not engage in conversation, do not smile, do not say a thing besides ‘It’s okay’ when they apologize. Why wouldn’t you want to start up a conversation with this really nice guy, you might ask? Well, he will end up having a very jealous and very ex-girlfriend who can’t stand that he’s dating someone and end up announcing that she’s pregnant. Oh, and then they’ll sleep together and he’ll call you up, while still drunk to tell about his time with his exgirlfriend and that he still loves her.
- If your physics TA just happens to spend a lot of time hanging around your lab bench while you’re attempting to focus on your lab, continue to ignore him. One, he’s not that charming and he’s a little too interested in physics for your liking and, two, it’s inappropriate for your TA to be hitting on any student when he’s the one marking their coursework and, three, he’s fully aware that you are his student and therefore knows that he’s being inappropriate.
- On the Saturday that you have a final and you’re sitting on the bus going to school while this guy is just standing there and attempts to start up a conversation with you because he just ‘knows how it is’ to be a student at your school and ‘just how difficult’ all the coursework will be for you, don’t pay him any attention. Especially when he asks for your number. Why? Well, if he can’t give you space and time to study for your courses when you barely know him, what stopping him from not giving you any time to study when you do know him?
- You should probably avoid starting up a conversation with that tall, dark and incredibly hot guy that’s standing outside your bio lab. Mostly because someone else will be chatting him up first and not even give you a turn – which is actually good for you because when your bio TA comes out, you find out that he is her boyfriend and therefore very off limits.
- Actually it would also be a good idea to avoid flirting with any tall, dark and incredibly hot guys in general. For example, going into the chemistry tutorial centre and starting up a conversation with a guy who appears to be a TA is perfectly fine. Until you realize exactly where you know him from because he introduces himself starting with Professor and you realize that he is your chemistry professor – but aren’t you a lucky girl to be staring at that twice a week?
- Whatever you do, do not ever ask out one of your best guy friends. It seems like such a great idea at first, you’ve known him since elementary school and he’s just such a great person. Yeah, and that’s all great when he agrees and you start dating and then he dumps you because he has decided that he is following his destiny and becoming a priest. That’s right, dating you has turned him onto the church. If that won’t help your self-esteem, I really don’t know what will.
- It may also seem like a good idea to want to date one of your guy friends, but then you will end up realizing that you have absolutely nothing in common except for the habit of wanting to tear out each other’s throats because you just can’t stand the way that they think or the way that they think the world works. For example, they will honestly believe that money is useless and you can live happily ever after without it. You, on the other hand, are much more practical and realize that money can buy great things like shelter, electricity (heat!), running water, internet and food.
- And lastly, the guy you sit next to in English may seem like the world’s sweetest guy, but then you overhear him telling his friends about how he’s been systematically sleeping his way through all the girls that live in his dorm building and then you realize how much of a pig he really is. And, if you’re like me and you’ve gone through all the guys on this list, you realize that all the good guys in the world are either already spoken for, dead, or in hiding.