Most of these were collected from when I was taking a calculus course and my professor liked telling us math related jokes while were we having our breaks. I did not write any of these jokes, but I hope you enjoy them.
What is pi?
To a mathematician: Pi is the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter.
To an engineer: Pi is about 22/7.
To a physicist: Pi is 3.14159, plus or minus 0.000005.
To a computer programmer: Pi is 3.141592653589 in double precision.
To a nutritionist: Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert.
Why are mathematicians afraid to drive a car?
Because the width of the road is negligible when compared to its length.
In counting sheep.
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician were on vacation in Scotland, when they glanced out of a train window, they observed a black sheep in the middle of a field.
“How interesting,” the astronomer said, “all Scottish sheep are black.”
This was when the physicist responded with, “No! Some Scottish sheep are black.”
The mathematician looked at the sheep and again and then said, “In Scotland, there exists at least one field, containing at least one sheep and at least one side of which is black.”
Counting errors.
A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting at a cafe and watching the people entering and exiting the house across the street. First they see two people go into the house. Some time passes and the they see three people coming out of the house.
The physicist says, “The measurements were not accurate.”
The biologist says, “They must have reproduced.”
The mathematician says, “If now exactly one person enters the house, it will be empty again.”
In setting a trap.
A mathematician is in Africa trying to capture a lion. When he spots one, he proceeds to build a fence around himself and says, “I define this to be outside!”
Planning for some fishing?
There was a logician who saw a sign on his way to fish that read, “All the worms you want for $1.00.” He stopped his car and ordered $2.00 worth.
In reality.
An engineer thinks that his equations are an approximation to reality. A physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations. A mathematician doesn’t care.
What is 2 * 2?
Several scientists were all posed the following question: “What is 2 * 2 ?”
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it’s old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces “3.99”.
The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces “it lies between 3.98 and 4.02”.
The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: “I don’t know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!”.
Philosopher smiles: “But what do you mean by 2 * 2 ?”
Logician replies: “Please define 2 * 2 more precisely.”
The sociologist: “I don’t know, but is was nice talking about it”.
Behavioral Ecologist: “A polygamous mating system”.
Medical Student: “4”
All others looking astonished: “How did you know ??”
Medical Student: “I memorized it.”
Full of hot air.
The physicist and the engineer are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. They yell out for help: “Helllloooooo! Where are we?”
15 minutes later, they hear an echoing voice: “Helllloooooo! You’re in a hot-air balloon!!”
The physicist says, “That must have been a mathematician.”
The engineer asks, “Why do you say that?”
The physicist replied: “The answer was absolutely correct, and it was utterly useless.”
Defining math.
Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.
Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.
A law of conservation of difficulties: there is no easy way to prove a deep result.
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
Classification of mathematical problems as linear and nonlinear is like classification of the universe as bananas and non-bananas.
Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
Math quotations
Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them, they translate it into their own language, and forthwith it means something entirely different. – Goethe
Mathematics is the art of giving the same name to different things. – J. H. Poincare
A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn’t there. – Darwin
Mathematics is like checkers in being suitable for the young, not too difficult, amusing, and without peril to the state. – Plato