I realized today that when you wish for something to happen, and it does, you realize that something is bound to not be quite the way that you’d like it to be. It hit me today, when I woke up and saw a missed call on my cell phone – probably about a half hour after I had fallen asleep. I spent most of the school year, from September to the end of finals in April, just wishing that I could see Clay more often. It sucked, but I lived with it. Everything was still so new last summer. We spent the time getting to know each other a little bit more than we did previously, we spent just so much time talking. And then school started and it was… difficult. We went from seeing each other five days out of the week to none. And we saw each other sporadically for eight months. I spent time at school while he was sleeping and he was at work while I was off from school. And it was hard, we didn’t see each other very much.
Looking back, we probably could have changed that. It’s not like we lived in different time zones or in different countries or provinces. But it’s not like I can go back in time and change things. So I try not to dwell on it too often, and usually I don’t. Except when I’m hit with the realization that during the time that we barely saw each other, all I wanted was to see him.
And now it’s over a month into my summer break from school and over a month since I started working again and I pretty much see him every weekday. Which is great, it is but at the same time… It’s just not the same. And in a way, it kind of makes it more difficult. It’s like walking into a store full of yarn, being allowed to walk past the yarn, but not allowed to pick up the nice yarn or check out the colours. Or entering a bead show and not being allowed to touch any of the semi-precious stones, or being able to pick out the dyed freshwater pearls.
(Sorry dear, that’s the best metaphor I could use for you – yarn and beads.)
And now I’m just depressing myself…
How was your Wednesday?