I realized today that when you wish for something to happen, and it does, you realize that something is bound to not be quite the way that you’d like it to be. It hit me today, when I woke up and saw a missed call on my cell phone – probably about a half hour after I had fallen asleep. I spent most of the school year, from September to the end of finals in April, just wishing that I could see Clay more often. It sucked, but I lived with it. Everything was still so new last summer. We spent the time getting to know each other a little bit more than we did previously, we spent just so much time talking. And then school started and it was… difficult. We went from seeing each other five days out of the week to none. And we saw each other sporadically for eight months. I spent time at school while he was sleeping and he was at work while I was off from school. And it was hard, we didn’t see each other very much.

Looking back, we probably could have changed that. It’s not like we lived in different time zones or in different countries or provinces. But it’s not like I can go back in time and change things. So I try not to dwell on it too often, and usually I don’t. Except when I’m hit with the realization that during the time that we barely saw each other, all I wanted was to see him.

And now it’s over a month into my summer break from school and over a month since I started working again and I pretty much see him every weekday. Which is great, it is but at the same time… It’s just not the same. And in a way, it kind of makes it more difficult. It’s like walking into a store full of yarn, being allowed to walk past the yarn, but not allowed to pick up the nice yarn or check out the colours. Or entering a bead show and not being allowed to touch any of the semi-precious stones, or being able to pick out the dyed freshwater pearls.

(Sorry dear, that’s the best metaphor I could use for you – yarn and beads.)

And now I’m just depressing myself…

How was your Wednesday?

3 Responses

  1. I think I understand what you mean… I kinda went through the same thing.

    We talked on the phone for hours and fell asleep talking to each other and then school started and it all just stopped… And we saw each other even less… Now that our summer has started it’s like we’re trying again, but it doesn’t feel the same as it did last year… I think that’s what you mean?

    Personally, I think it’s ’cause during the school year, you experience different things and grow as a person, but in both of our cases, we grew up away from the other person…

    It’s sad, but that made me realise I didn’t feel the same anymore. We’d both changed so much…

    Lol, I’ve never actually spoken to you before, but your blog made sense to me..? Haha. Nice site btw 🙂

  2. Being that I’m a beader like yourself, your bead metaphor worked perfectly for me. Also, I totally get what you mean.

    I was in a long distance relationship (me in California, him in Colorado) for over a year. In fact, we were never NOT long distance, but I went out there a few times for almost a month… And I always thought it would be absolutely amazing, just a dream. It was a points, but it was also like a tease – JUST as you described what’s going on with you and Clay. I was able to admire the frequent moments with my boyfriend, but not actually live them in a sense.

    Anyhow, I hope things start feeling better. I wish I had some great wisdom for ya, but alas, I don’t. :/

    Oh, and I’m SO WITH YOU on Emily Haines dress! I’d kill to wear that beauty.

  3. Oh, Michelle, I get what you’re saying. I don’t see Royce often enough and it kills me. One weekend without him is pure torture, and with my mother the way she is, this summer is just going to be composed of a lot of torture.

    Wednesday was yesterday and it was fantasmic, hahahaha :3

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