It’s a lot like very conditional love

Written on June 9, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Filed under: Family, Personal

I was having a conversation with one of my friends online and she was suggesting the idea that, since she can’t find a boyfriend, she ought to consider marrying a tank of fish. Which, was a joke, of course. I’m pretty sure she can’t do that (although if I remember correctly, wasn’t there some woman who married a dolphin before? Legally?) in most countries in the world. Legally, anyways. Which gets turned into a conversation about the requirements that both of our fathers have for us. About guys, obviously (not fish). And I told her something that one of my closest friends told me once:

If your dad wants a guy to have all these really awesome, really great qualities… What do you bring to the table that’s unique from all the other girls who have dads telling them the exact same requirements?

The answer (for me anyways): not a whole hell of a lot. I say that very tongue-in-cheek, by the way.

And the above is sort of related with a conversation with I had with my two sisters. My dad’s been putting the pressure on D to get a job (… since she’s been home for all of a week and a half? And she’s been job searching the entire time?). And on both D and J to ‘go out and find a nice boy’. In those exact words (only translated). While I’ve always looked up to my sisters because they were a) older and b) had grades a million times better than I did (a fact, of course, that my parents brought up every single report card from grades 4 to 12). My sisters were saying how it’s incredibly unrealistic for my dad to suddenly expect them to start dating after years and years of telling them not to. Which is probably why that the parents have given me permission to go forth and make ‘new friends’ – with the prospect of dating them, of course. I can’t help but feel restricted by the wishlist of requirements that they have though. Like I’m supposed to be mentally ticking things off in my head whenever I meet someone? Uh, no thanks? I mean, most of the time I can’t even remember most of the things that they’ve told me to look for. Mostly because I don’t care.

My sisters are rather happy that I’m not turning out to be some kind of mindless drone and thinking for myself, rather than buying into my dad’s talk (apparently they had been worried for a while because I spend the most time around the parents out of the three of us). Well, being a non-mindless drone who hides things from her parents – but that’s okay too! And you know what the weird thing is? They told me that they look up to me for not being socially inept like they are, and also for being confident.

Words I would not use to describe myself, but to each their own.

Just one question for today:

  1. What kind of, if any, unrealistic expectations do your parents have for the person that you are or should be dating/engaged to/married to?

I look forward to reading the responses to that.

8 Responses to “It’s a lot like very conditional love”

  1. Kelsey says:

    Aw, that’s an awesome conversation you had with your sisters =) It’s definitely a good self-esteem boost.
    And you’re not a mindless drone. All the constant complaining on blog proves that you aren’t.
    Oh unrealistic expectations? Well, you know my parents. Pretty reasonable. Find entertainment elsewhere =P

  2. Georgina says:

    Eep! I dropped by a few days ago when you changed your theme/layout but I don’t think I even commented! *blushes*

    It’s a good thing you’re being looked up to by your sisters. :) It shows you’re setting a good example. Well, I admit, I try to think for myself – my parents wanted me to do this, do that with my career and I settled with what I wanted – but there isn’t anyone to, well, “congratulate” me for that. My younger brother is incomparable to me, even though I think he’s quite a rebel.

    I haven’t heard of the woman and the dolphin but apparently there was some lonely man who had sex with dolphins. 😐

    What kind of, if any, unrealistic expectations do your parents have for the person that you are or should be dating/engaged to/married to?
    ERRR.. heh. I think I mentioned this last year or so; my mum really wanted to marry someone not only Asian, but Indonesian. She went on and on about how I’d meet some Indonesian guys if I went to so-and-so university. In her face. I went to the one I wanted to go to… well, it’s not that she (or my dad) don’t like James, they just don’t see him as something hugely special. XD But he’s my boyfriend, not theirs. 😛

  3. Heather says:

    Aren’t sisters such a vital, beautiful thing?

    I think it’s incredible that your elder sisters look up to you – and even went as far as to admit that they do. Sometimes older siblings have too much pride for that, you know?

    As far as unrealistic expectations from my parents… Well, I’ve been blessed with parents who simply want me happy. They only hope that I find someone who loves me unconditionally and will always give me warmth and comfort.

  4. Lauren says:

    Hm, perhaps I’m rather unique in the fact that my parents and really haven’t talked about my relationships (their expectations, or anything). We’ve, of course, been over the, er…physical stuff (the dreaded “talk” every child hates. XD), but my parents really just made sure that I have good judgment, and they seem to trust me and expect that I’ll use it. Because of the way that they raised me, I know what I expect from my guy, and I’m sure they’ll approve of whomever I pick. I don’t strive to pick someone they’ll like, I’m just sure it’ll work out that way.

  5. Jenn says:

    My mother often puts down my husband because he likes to play video games. In her opinion, men who play video games are still little boys. Nevermind the fact that many of the men who play video games AS A HOBBY still hold full-time jobs, are excellent husbands and great fathers. As long as the gaming is a hobby, what’s the harm?

    She always says that she would want a man/want me to have a man like my grandfather. But things now are a lot different than they were in the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s! Besides, my grandfather had his own time-consuming hobbies… reading astronomy magazines and tinkering with cameras. 😉

  6. Jenna says:

    My Dad said he’d throw whoever it is off my apartment so I guess his expectations are that it would be someone who can survive being thrown of the 4th floor?

    As my Mom she doesn’t care as long as they are good person who treats me with respect

  7. Caity says:

    I wish I could have those types of conversations with my sister.

    Basically, my parents want a little clone of my dad which is highly impossible and I wouldn’t want anyway. My dad is overprotective to the point where my mom can’t do certain things for herself anymore. Even though it’s out of love and he does everything for her, it’s just that – he does EVERYTHING. The otehr thing is that my parents basically want me to live across the street from them. That isn’t going to happen either.

  8. Jenny says:

    My mom puts my husband down sometimes for the stuff he does (or doesnt do). It’s retarded but I know they don’t like each other so I let her pick at him cause I think it’s funny.

Leave a Reply