So I was having a chat with Kristi last night about things I ought to know but really, no one ever says about sex. I mean, she started telling me all the things that can go wrong and what could go wrong. And about how everything gets ripped and there’s pain and there’s blood and everything leaks and how everything is messy and how it all goes to crap, despite the best of intentions. And seriously, by the end of it, I was kind of turned off on the idea of ever having sex. I mean, pain and blood for a ‘one time deal’ I can handle. But leaking? Messes? Things not fitting??? I mean, thank you Kristi, for the valuable insight, really, thank you.

However, that being said, last night I ended up having a nightmare about this whole thing. In the morning after (in my dream), I woke up in my dream only to be in an Olympic-sized swimming pool that was full of my own blood. Like undiluted blood. Because apparently dream Michelle has enough blood in her tiny 5’1″ body to fill an Olympic swimming pool. Not to mention that in the dream I basically spent the entire time bawling during it. So yeah, definitely turned off the idea of sex now. I think my father would be pleased – it would mean that I could fulfill his wish of remaining virtuous until marriage. The only ironic thing would be if, a month from now, I end up logging into WordPress and being all like “So… Guess who got laid today!” […] Somehow I highly doubt that’s going to happen. But, you never know! I don’t have some sort of cosmic crystal ball (damn it…).

4 Responses

  1. Remember that they are things that -can- go wrong.
    Doesn’t mean they will.
    With proper preparation things will be fine =)
    Btw, I greatly enjoyed your use of formatting to create emphasis in this entry.

  2. you know, a lot of things can go wrong with sex but that’s the same for anything. you can die from a car accident, too, but you just go on driving and having sex. with that said, many of those things like tearing, bleeding or pain don’t happen to everyone. i would definitely expect it to be uncomfortable and not like the movies but still worth it

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